I can't tell you how many times a night I check on my sleeping babies. I'll sit and watch them breathe, kiss their faces, hands, heads, so softly. Yet hoping they might stir....just a little. Enough for me to know they are okay.
I see so much sadness and grief in my work. Parents devastated. Grief stricken beyond comprehension. I find myself more emotionally affected by the reactions of the family members when it comes to tragedy and loss. Especially with the pediatric cases. I fight back the tears while I hold them, and try to comfort them. Telling them how sorry I am things couldn't be different....until I can go to a private place where I sit on the floor and sob. Tears of sorrow for their loss, yet tears of joy for what I still have, and also tears for fear of what could happen. It is times like these that all I want is to go straight home and hold my kids until they can't stand it any longer. They ask if I had a sad day at work, then tell me they are sorry, give me a kiss, say I love you mom, and run off to play.
With the devastation we are seeing right now in Haiti, I can't help but feel an immense sense of gratitude for what I have. My children are here with me, safe, in a warm home, with food on the table. I wish with all my heart that I could do more for those in need, but that is another journal entry all together.
Children are so precious. So helpless, no matter what they may think. I find myself daily amazed at the responsibility I have of taking care of my children, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. What an overwhelming job! But I, like all parents, do it because the love, the deep, indescribable love we have for our children allows us to attempt to make the best choices, most responsible decisions, most appropriate actions to provide a happy, well rounded life with value and integrity. I know I make mistakes. I know I am not always the best mom in the world. But with all my heart and soul....I try. Because nothing is more precious than the love for my children. I am so thankful for the joy they bring to me. For the challenges they present that make me a better person. For the hugs, the kisses, the gifts they create with their hands and hearts. The I love yous said without prompting. I am truly blessed. How could I ever ask for anything more?